Seriously! Well, No. There is a greater chance of the Ulster Canal getting rebuilt (and my friends in Irish Rail telling the Irish Railway Record Society to re-admit me as a member). Someone shoved a copy of a publication called "The Local News" through my letterbox yesterday. The West Edition covers West Dublin (but not where I live - a bit of a mis-delivery there!).
Anyway, to the point. The cover story on this freebie read as above. Notwithstanding copyright issues, I am going to re-type the article in full as it is so error ridden and full of snake oil that it makes my friends in Clones look good. The opening paragraph reads thus (sic):
"Contractors now dredging and re-filling the Grand Canal will soon make waterway craft-worthy from Rialto to Ringsend. Next step, transport consultants say, is to stretch a water motorway further west - all the way to Clondalkin, Ronanstown, Griffeen Valley Park and even Celbridge.
Because Canal and waterway routes are ten times cheaper per mile than a motorway, a Celbridge to City Centre commute could take as little as a year to complete - and cost the taxpayer next to nothing.
Quiet - motorised craft - like the famous Vaporetti that ply the canals in Venice could ferry IT workers from West Dublin or Kildare to the Google headquarters in Grand Canal Dock. With no red lights, the trip would take less than half the time of a conventional car commute.
Workers at the Portobello site say that the entire stretch from Ringsend, upstream to the Luas line at Rialto, will have been dredged, cleaned and re-filled with water by March. This paves the way, Waterways Ireland told Local News, for a private operator to run a "river bus" all the way from Crumlin/Dolphin's Barn area to Portobello and another from Rathmines to the mouth of the River Liffey and Dublin Bay. "We would not run such a service, but we would certainly support it" the source said.
At the moment, there is low level water between Rialto and Rathmines, but levels will be increased by more than a metre as a result of the dredging work. This would allow a variety of purpose built craft to take some car commuter traffic from the adjacent Grove Road and South Circular Road.
River commuting is popular in many European cities, including Amsterdam, Venice and London. Most craft bring commuters during peak times, but serve the tourist trade - offer tea, coffee and historical commentary - during off peak hours, especially during the summer."
Where do I start? First paragraph."Next step, transport consultants say, is to stretch a water motorway further west - all the way to Clondalkin, Ronanstown, Griffeen Valley Park and even Celbridge." Please, tell me who these transport consultants are. I need to know, so as to start a campaign to ensure that they are pilloried and never do business for anyone. If this is the level of their "expertise", they would be best off sticking with their lego. As to a canal service to Celbridge, notwithstanding all of the other logical, sensible reasons as to why this service will never work that are popping up in my head, there is the small issue that the canal does not serve Celbridge. The Grand Canal passes through Hazelhatch - over 2 miles distant to Celbridge. Hazelhatch & Celbridge train station is inaccessible enough - Hazelhatch canal bridge is even further away.
Second paragraph: "Because Canal and waterway routes are ten times cheaper per mile than a motorway, a Celbridge to City Centre commute could take as little as a year to complete - and cost the taxpayer next to nothing." Given the length of time it took Waterways Ireland and its predecessor bodies to restore the Royal Canal, I cannot see a one year timeframe to achieve a fully dredged canal corridor to Hazelhatch being realistic. As for the suggestion that this would cost next to nothing, on that basis, why not restore every old railway line in Ireland where the track still exists as this would similarly cost next to nothing.
Third paragraph: "Quiet - motorised craft - like the famous Vaporetti that ply the canals in Venice could ferry IT workers from West Dublin or Kildare to the Google headquarters in Grand Canal Dock. With no red lights, the trip would take less than half the time of a conventional car commute."
First things first, there is a 4mph speed limit on the Grand Canal. From Hazelhatch to Grand Canal Dock is c.12 miles. Therefore if you had an unhindered run, this would take a minimum of three hours without stops. I know the commute from Celbridge can be tough - I do it myself every day. However, the only time it has taken me 3 hours was 2 years ago when we ended up with snow and ice for over a month. On a good day, I can leave my office in Hatch Street at 5pm, walk 25 minutes to my car in Dolphin's Barn and be home at 6:15pm. But there is more. Three hours assumes that the boat does not have to stop. I do wonder what mechanism these transport consultants came up with to get around the engineering inconvenience of canal locks. A quick look at the appropriate reference material tells me that there are no less than 12 locks between Suir Road and Adamstown and another 7 on the Circular line between Suir Road and Grand Canal Dock. I have asked the appropriate people how long it would take to navigate the Grand Canal from Hazelhatch to Grand Canal Dock and will update this post when advised. However, all things considered, I'd allow 8-9 hours for a one way trip. Update: See the article on irishwaterwayshistory.com here. I have been reliably informed by someone who knows far more about canals and waterways than I ever will, that a good rule of thumb is that a lock and a mile take 15 minutes each - so add the distance in miles to the number of locks and divide by 4. For Grand Canal Dock to Hazelhatch, that would be 12 (miles) and 19 (locks) which gives 31/4 = 7 hours 45 minutes. For an inexperienced crew, allow more time, hence my initial suggestion of 8-9 hours for a single journey one way is reasonable.
Fourth paragraph: "Workers at the Portobello site say that the entire stretch from Ringsend, upstream to the Luas line at Rialto, will have been dredged, cleaned and re-filled with water by March. This paves the way, Waterways Ireland told Local News, for a private operator to run a "river bus" all the way from Crumlin/Dolphin's Barn area to Portobello and another from Rathmines to the mouth of the River Liffey and Dublin Bay. "We would not run such a service, but we would certainly support it" the source said." I'd love to know who the Waterways Ireland source is - was it the local supervisor pulling your leg? If not, he/she should be sacked for spouting such bullshit.
Fifth paragraph. Short of reverting to the 1970's plan to close the canal and turn its bed into a road, it is safe to say that the Grand Canal will not be in a position to "take some car commuter traffic from the adjacent Grove Road and South Circular Road".
Update 16/11/2012: I posted about this article to the Inland Waterways of Ireland User Group and one of the members came back with this suggestion:
http://faculty.washington.edu/jbs/itrans/sipem.htm
Days Hotel Belfast - located in a lovely area of Belfast where the Union Jack flies from every lamppost and the kerbstones are painted blue white and red.
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